If you have a behaviour that you want to change it's a good idea to take note of what is actually happening in your life right now. Self monitoring occurs at the point where you are aware of being aware. No judging, just note the sequence of events - your thoughts, feelings and behaviour in the situation and also taking note of the other person's reactions and what they say and do.
At the end of the day write down in a journal the circumstances that occurred around the problem behaviour and include your thoughts, feeling and behaviours and other's reactions and behaviours. When you have a few events then you have a baseline for change. You could also make a chart of the number of times per day that the problem behaviour occurs. For instance if you are giving up smoking, keep a count of cigarettes per day if you are cutting down, or how many days you are smoke free once you have taken the plunge and stopped. If you are attempting to become more assertive then you can keep a record of the times per day when you have a chance to be assertive. Again journal your thoughts, feelings and actions, anyone else's reactions and the outcome of the situation. Did you say "no" for instance and was the outcome a positive one for you? Journalling is positive since you can look back at it later and see how far you have come. Also writing tends to ground the events that occurred and make it more real that just being in your head.
If you are putting new behaviours into practise then you will need to think about doing it in a conscious way and put effort into it for about a month. After this time the new behaviours should become automatic. While you are practising, you need to give yourself a big pat on the back for doing the new behaviour. And flag situations as they arise so that you can get yourself into self monitoring mode. Use positive self talk to encourage yourself to put the new behaviours into practise. Get positive results and reward yourself. Just make sure that the reward is not part of the problem.
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